July 23rd, 2010 
Jessica I think I’m drowning
Can someone lend a hand?
Can someone save me?
Cause I don’t think I can.
~ Drowning, Saving Abel
I do not even know where to begin with this post, so I’ll just begin. Today was a very low point for me. And by low, I mean, laying in bed sobbing like a baby. Some of the thoughts running through my head scared the shit right out of me and thus began my search for some help. Or at least the thought of getting help. I am scared out of my mind. I never thought I would hit such a low point in my life, but I was wrong. And lately, I’ve been wrong an awful lot.
It is not so much the divorce bothering me because quite frankly, the divorce leaves me feeling liberated in a sense. I feel as though I can conquer the world now that I am free from him. It is the stress of looking for a job, having to ask for help and face my past mistakes. My mistakes are not something I am proud of and I was not deserving of the consequences of them, but it is there and I have to deal with it’s aftermath.
My kids have watched me hit rock bottom and for me, that has been the hardest part. Which is why I am in the process of getting help. I need help to pick up all the pieces, to get my head on straight and to figure out where to go next. First up, meeting with a counselor and an attorney. The counselor for obvious reasons, but the attorney is to help me correct one of my past mistakes. Here’s to hoping that the next couple of months begin looking better.
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There is positively NO shame in saying that you need help with things in life: NONE. As much as you may want to be, you aren’t a super hero: you’re a human and you’re doing your absolute best that you can for your children. right now, your best means getting a little help for yourself to keep on a good track.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I truly wish you the absolute best on your road to recovering from your issues.