Oh, where does one begin?  I’m very much looking forward to the New Year.  I am not one to usually count down the days, but it’s time for change.  It’s like the months of November and December have been nothing but a cruel, cruel joke.  Everyone is laughing, except me.  Between my health, the kids health, finances and Addie’s behaviors– I am ready for the beginning of a new chapter.

I don’t talk much about Addie’s behaviors with anyone outside of my parents from fear of being judged.  We (all three of us) have played every scenario out in our heads and yet can come up with nothing.  She’s a mean little girl, very destructive and quite disrespectful.  Some days, I wonder if she even has a conscious.  This is all very hard for me to say, as I love my little girl until no end, but something has to give.  I hit my breaking point this past weekend when she literally destroyed my bathroom, chopped off all of her hair and laughed hysterically as she sat in time out, telling me that she would do it again.

And by breaking point, I mean driving my daughter to the nearest pediatric psych evaluation hospital.  It’s not so much that I wanted them to find something wrong with her, but I need help.  And the visit helped.  Having someone to talk to.  Someone to tell me that while many of her behaviors are quite normal, yet several of them are concerning.  A licensed professional who was witnessing the living hell I’ve been living in for the past three months solid.  She was absolutely wonderful, the woman I spoke with.  With her words of encouragement, understanding and patience.

Going into that hospital, I felt like a complete failure.  Like a mother who had lost all control of her child.  Coming home, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And while all of this is super personal, I just needed to get it out there. To get it off my chest. In hopes that maybe some other mommy’s out there have been through this and might have ideas.